Busy or TOO Busy?
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When Busy Becomes Too Busy
Before we go to a school for spiritual emphasis week, I send a survey to students that includes the question, "What has this year been like for you in your life outside of school?" Many responses this year included words like busy, very busy, really busy, crazy, stressful, tiring, exhausting, pretty exhausting, and overwhelming. As one student said, "I feel like I never get a break."
The reasons most commonly listed are homework, sports, and other extracurricular activities, summarized by this response: "My life is pretty busy. I normally have soccer practice and then eat dinner and do homework and go to bed."
Some students are happy and fine with their level of busyness, but many are not.
One noted regrettably that he was "spending less time with family because of schoolwork and getting home late."
One wishes "I could be less tired all the time," and another laments that "I haven't got enough sleep this year and I'm physically breaking down due to the lack of sleep."
Many students recognize that their busyness results in misplaced priorities. In the survey, I also ask if there are topics that they would like us to address when we come to their school. Responses this year included:
"How to get more in the Word, in a busy school-filled life"
"I’m personally learning to put God first in my life and making him my first priority and that’s not always easy considering I have schoolwork and friends and sports and extracurricular activities and I’m really busy. I think the hardest part of it is putting God before my friends and particular guys, so I’m working on it and I would love a little bit of guidance on how to do that and what that looks like."
While teens may understand that their busyness is unhealthy, they often don't know how to change even if they want to. One teen girl wrote, "It’s really busy and it’s hard to slow down but I think it would be good for me to just slow down a bit but I’m not sure how to get myself willing to slow down for just a second."
Others refuse to change and need adults in their lives to force changes. I had multiple conversations this spring with a middle school girl who has developed a reputation in her class for always coming to school and saying she's exhausted; however, she "loves" everything that consumes her time and is unwilling to give anything up. Unless an adult intervenes, she will continue on an unhealthy path, probably for years.
Some students referred to "pressure" they feel from parents. One expressed it this way: "It’s also hard because I have responsibilities at home and I’m really busy and my parents are really busy and sometimes it feels like I’m always being yelled at to do this or do that but I have to get here and do this and I feel like my parents are always angry at me because I just need a second but I have to do the laundry or clean my room or do the dishes, but I have to finish this essay or this application or this survey." Another student missed an extended period of school and was overwhelmed with making up her work: "I got packets, worksheets, and essays we have to write when I came back and my teachers were giving more homework and then my mom is basically obsessed with me getting all my work done - from telling my dad, 'Wake her up, she needs to do homework,' to telling me, 'You're going to do your homework while eating dinner,' to her telling me, 'Why are you on your phone? You should be doing your homework' right after my basketball game that ended at about 6:00-7:00." Sometimes teens are lazy, and sternness may of course be appropriate; however, in these cases neither of them expressed that what they're expected to do is bad or unreasonable. They're overwhelmed and don't know how to accomplish what they need to do in the time they have. They need help managing their schedule.
How You Can Use This
As the new school year approaches, it's good to review and discuss teens' anticipated schedules, their desired priorities, and any preemptive changes needed. Remember, teens don't always know what's best for them, and sometimes adults need to make hard choices for them. They may resist now but be thankful later!
Instead of assuming teens are being lazy, it's wise to explore their overall schedule. Are they simply overscheduled and overwhelmed?
Teens need help maintaining a healthy balance, and they need to be taught the importance of sleep for physical and mental well-being. They also sometimes need to be forced to rest.
We can all evaluate what we're modeling for teens, preteens, and kids. Do they see us with a too-busy schedule and misplaced priorities that leave us exhausted and stressed? Do they see that as normal because it's what we're modeling for them? How can families build rest and fun into their weekly schedule?
Students typically fail to identify one of the most common reasons for not having enough time and for lack of sleep: their phones. How much time are they spending on their phones, and could that time be better utilized? Also, as I've noted before, nearly every youth and technology expert agrees on one recommendation for kids and teens: no screens in bedrooms overnight.