Suffering Well
A Special Note...
Giving Tuesday is just 1 ½ weeks away!
Mercy shared this testimony after volunteering with us at Manhattan Christian Academy: “God taught me so many things about my own life throughout the week. I had been holding onto so many broken pieces and sins in my own life that I was ashamed of. For the first time, I finally vocalized many of the things I had gone through, bringing them to God and letting go of them. Through talking with the wonderful kids at MCA, I felt as if I finally saw God's reasons for my own struggles, because these kids were going through the same things I had. Yesterday, after coming home, I was able to open up to my closest loved ones about my past struggles… and have been relishing in such incredible peace from God. Not only am I elated God used me in the lives of the kids, but He clearly used the kids to work in my own life… I'm starting to see that this trip has opened my eyes to an entirely new career path that I had previously promised myself I'd never pursue.”
Your support truly impacts lives like Mercy. Will you prayerfully consider supporting us on Giving Tuesday on November 28th?
Thank you!
Worth Your Time!
Resource Recommendations to Help You Parent and Mentor Most Effectively
This Week's Recommendation:
"Too often our lives are spent trying to avoid suffering at all costs. We don’t want to think or talk about pain, let alone actually suffer. But suffering is a significant and unavoidable aspect of life in a fallen world. We need to teach our children where suffering comes from, its purpose, how God uses it in our lives, and how we can deal well with hardship and pain."
Why It Matters:
One of the most valuable parts of spiritual emphasis week is journaling back and forth with a group of students for 4 days. Reading students' journals over the past 20 years has been eye-opening - they carry so many more heavy burdens on the inside than we usually realize! Often, they don't know how to process the suffering they face. A few years after a friend committed suicide, a high school girl wrote to us, "I don’t really know how to handle my own grief. I just feel so alone in this because everybody else impacted by this seems to have gotten over it... I just often think about this and I get angry at God. Like why would he let him die?... I just wish you could maybe give me some advice about dealing with grief. I really don’t know what to do. I want to begin to move on, and although I’ll never forget him, I don’t want to get stuck in the past." Teens like this young lady need help, and many of them want help. This article can help you provide it!
How to Use It
Don't assume the young people you know aren't struggling. Most struggling students appear fine on the outside!
Don't assume they've gotten over it and have moved on. Like the high school girl mentioned above, students journal with us frequently about painful events that happened years earlier.
Whether it's a week later or 3 years later, you can follow up with a simple question: "I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing with __________?"
If it impacted you too, share how you're doing - it may help them open up. "It's hard to believe it's been over a year since Grandma died, and it's still hard - I miss her every day and wish she was here. You and she were very close - how are you dealing with losing her?"
Offer to journal back and forth with them, or encourage them to journal with someone else they trust. You could do it regularly or when a young person goes through a particularly challenging time. For many students, it's easier (and feels safer) to write something than to say it. It also gives them time to process both their thoughts and your responses. Yes, teen guys can journal too - they do it all the time with us.
Be appropriately honest with them about past or present sufferings in your own life. When preteens and teens suffer, they usually feel very alone, and it's comforting to know that people they care about and look up to have faced their own struggles. But...
Sometimes they just want us to listen, not to fix their problems or tell them about our own experiences. If you're unsure which they want, just ask: "Would you like me to just listen, or would you like me to share a time when I went through something similar? It's perfectly ok if you just want me to listen - I'm happy to do that!" Resist the urge to share your story if they don't want to hear it - save it for a later time. In that moment, just listen and express empathy.
Share how God has used suffering for your good. Then, have them brainstorm ways God might use their own situation for good. This will get them thinking about the future rather than just their present pain.
"Normalize" suffering. As the author notes, it's inevitable, so don't avoid sharing a hard experience just because it sounds depressing. As you talk with them about the ups and downs of life, they'll realize it's normal when they face their own "downs." As they see how God has gotten you through those times, they'll gain confidence in God's ability to get them through their hard times too.
Most importantly, point them to Jesus. The article has an excellent section on this.
Read It Here