An Excellent Case Study
Worth Your Time!
Resource Recommendations to Help You Parent and Mentor Most Effectively
This Week’s Recommendation:
"American Teenager in 2023"
Beautiful/Anonymous Podcast
May 23: Episode 372
Listen on Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, or Here
Length: 1 Hour 4 Minutes
Is this you when you think about trying to have an hour-long, meaningful conversation with a teenager?
Two days after sending last week's email about asking good questions and listening well, I discovered a weekly podcast called Beautiful/Anonymous. The host, actor and comedian Chris Gethard, has hour-long conversations with anonymous people from all walks of life. Coincidentally, last week's episode featured a high school senior girl - one of only a few teenagers he's had on the podcast in the past 7 years! For anyone who wants to grow in having meaningful conversations with preteens and teens, this is a great case study from which to learn!
Why It's Worth Your Time
Anyone can have meaningful conversations like this with almost any teenager. Teens want to talk, they want to be asked about their lives, and they want to be asked what they think - even ones who act like they don't. While conversation typically starts at the surface, including in this podcast, it often doesn't take long for today's teens to share more deeply with someone who's willing to listen. This podcast models how to do it well.
How To Use It
Notice how many questions he asks compared to how many statements he makes.
Notice how he puts the pieces of her life together as she talks, which deepens his understanding of her.
Notice how his encouragement is specific rather than general - he mentions specific qualities he sees in her and specific actions he respects. [When you encourage a teen, be specific about what you admire too - it will mean more to them. Encourage them even about small things. Sometimes you can also put several small things together and notice a bigger pattern/quality that is praiseworthy.]
As you listen to the podcast...
What follow-up questions would you ask? Where would you probe deeper? [I would have liked to have heard more about her views of social media.]
What qualities do you notice in her that you could praise her for?
What does she say that you might gently push back on - and how could you do it with a QUESTION?
What does he say/ask that you wouldn't have?
What doesn't he say/ask that you would have?
Notice a key moment that occurs more than 51 minutes into the conversation, when she says to him, "Can I ask you a question?... I wanna hear your take on it... Let’s hear it." She asks a great question, he responds, and then she says, "I never thought about… now I might have to reevaluate… this will add more to the debate…" She gives him a wide open door to impart some of his own life wisdom, but notice that it's after - after after after! - he spent more than 50 minutes showing interest in her life by asking questions and listening well! Adult wisdom usually impacts teens more when it comes in response to their questions in the context of conversation rather than through one-sided lectures.
This week, I encourage you to spend an hour having a meaningful conversation with a preteen or teen - your son, your granddaughter, a youth from church... whoever! Get pizza/Five Guys/ice cream/etc., go out for coffee, or just take a walk! Even teen guys will willingly go for a walk - they will value that you want to spend time with them!
I'm confident that your time together will be a mutual blessing. At the end of the conversation, the host says, “It was really a joy to talk to you, I have to say. It was really a joy. Thanks for letting me pick your brain about what it’s like being young right now. I hope you didn’t feel too put on the spot by that..." Her response? "No, it was fun, thank you."
