Asking Good Questions
Worth Your Time!
Resource Recommendations to Help You Parent and Mentor Most Effectively
"Matt, if you had one piece of advice for parents, grandparents, or mentors to engage better with young people, what would it be?"
My answer? Learn how to ask them good questions and listen well to their answers.
Why It's Worth Your Time
Many adults assume preteens and teens don't want to talk with them about their lives, but most actually do - and some desperately!
Many adults also want to have deeper conversations with youth, but don't know how. If that describes you, this is a podcast worth listening to - even more than once!
"Asking questions gives teens the opportunity to share answers that show you where their interests are, where their confusion is seated, what conflict of values they might be struggling with, and why they're behaving the way they are. Questions are the key that unlocks the door of opportunity to engage deeply with your teen and allow motives, hurts, and hidden feelings to rise to the surface. And this is what you want, isn't it? " - Mark Gregston
How To Use It
Asking good questions and listening well are skills that improve with practice. If Gregston convinces you of the value of questions, commit to asking and listening more this week - and perhaps talking less.
If you need suggestions to help you get started, check out these articles:
Ask follow-up questions as well! Remember, you're trying to draw out what's in their heart, and that may take more than one question.
Ease into it and be patient. If the teen is not used to you asking questions and listening well, it may take time to build enough trust for them to open up. Don't quit after one awkward failed attempt!
Finally, Gregston gives a good reminder. "My hope is to build a relationship with teens that promotes interaction and communication that will last for years. And as a result I know that I will have plenty of times to revisit comments, ask more questions, dig a little deeper, and be a part of their development. In other words, I don't have to fix everything in one sitting, and it's not essential to get the right answer each time."
Two Additional "Worth Your Time" Clips about Asking Questions:
May 16th Focus on the Family Broadcast: Protecting Your Kids from Worldly Dangers (Part 1 of 2): Listen to 9:44-12:30
Watch Here or Listen on Google/Apple Podcasts
May 17th Focus on the Family Broadcast: Protecting Your Kids from Worldly Dangers (Part 2 of 2): Listen to 11:54-13:27
Watch Here or Listen on Google/Apple Podcasts
Don't get discouraged by this common preteen/teen reaction. It's likely they genuinely appreciate your interest in what they think, even if they don't show it or say it!
Proverbs 20:5
"The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out."